I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
