I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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