i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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