I want to have your abortion
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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