Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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