My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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