He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
