Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
