I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
