I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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