I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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