I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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