I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You made out with two different species that night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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