And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
