i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
