Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
