You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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