Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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