Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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