Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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