i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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