Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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