dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I will pee on everything he values.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
