What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
