hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
