I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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