Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
