Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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