i don't like sucking hair
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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