It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
