I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
