I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
