some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
