oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
