she smelled like a LAN party
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
