wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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