it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
