My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
