When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
