last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have feelings that need drinking.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
