Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
