fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
