Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
