He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
