you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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