my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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