just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
