You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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