So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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