xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
