That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
