Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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