im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
