Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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