this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
