Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
