Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
